A Poles guide to the UK.

Now that's established, let's tell you the rest.

History.

The British used to rule the world and don't forget it, they don't forget it and never let anyone else forget either.

Language.

There are quite a few languages in UK, such as Scots and Irish gaelic and Welsh, some people speak Polish but the English only ever speak English, when travelling, speaking English, slowly and clearly as if speaking to an idiot or as a last resort shouting qualifies as communication.

Geography.

A moderate sized group of Islands in Northern Europe or the centre of the universe, just depends how you look at it.

Climate.

Bring an umbrella.

Culture.

Shakespeare, Dickens, Jeremy Kyle.

Meeting People.

The British are incredibly friendly people, they spend an average of 17.5 hours per day on Facebook and one day per year visiting family and arguing, we call this 'Christmas day', usually a lot of turkey is eaten, a lot of beer is drunk and a lot of repeats are shown on TV.

Sport.

If Catholicism is a religion in Poland, football is a MASSIVE religion in UK, the rest of the UK etc etc know they are rubbish and admit it, England think they are World beaters, every 4 years, Police helicopters are deployed when England lose on penalties to Germany/Argentina/Portugal/Mongolia/Solomon Islands, I wasn't joking about the last two. Some English people pretend to understand cricket but are generally harmless.

Dogs.

Biggest part of our culture, Americans love guns, we love dogs, a dog can bite you, use the pavement as a toilet or bark all night but do no wrong, be warned.

Legal system.

Our Police carry nothing but a note book. a whistle and a pocket truncheon, actually that's not strictly true, an extenanable ASP baton, CS gas container, 50,000 volt taser, hidden behind a bullet proof, stab proof vest while helping old ladies across the road, comes in handy.

Communications.

Red phone boxes, usually in toursist information offices, there are only 3 left in UK, the rest are in Japan.

Food and drink.

The British are very health concious, a breakfast at 6 am of fried eggs, bacon, sausages, mushrooms, beans, tomatoes, hash browns, toast or fried bread, followed by stress at work, now you're talking.

Entry into UK.

Are you serious?